You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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