Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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