i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
