Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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