so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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