I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
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I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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