Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
