Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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