he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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