i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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