Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why do cheetos always look like penises
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
