Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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