I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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