dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
