Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
