i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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