sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
