Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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