and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
