Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All I want is dick and wine.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
