oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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