So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Alive.
So much puke
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
