i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
