i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
