Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
