one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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