Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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