If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
