i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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