she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
