Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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