I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
