Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
