i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
