i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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