Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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