Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
