yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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