People in love make me want to vomit
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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