you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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