My room smells like vodka and shame
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
