Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
