don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize