Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
