she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
