Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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