It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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