I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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