i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
