it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
