Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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