I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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