At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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