i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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