dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
