So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
