He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
