I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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