Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
