I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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