Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
