You can't special order awesome
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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