Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
