Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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