I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
