There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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