We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she smelled like a LAN party
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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