I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
