we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
