He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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