dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
