Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
