I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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