Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
