Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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