That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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