wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
