Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize